"Let the record show that these proceedings commenced at 0900 on the nose." The voice of Colonel Brian Muldoon rumbled across the courtroom. A more unpleasant man could not have been found in the whole of the Australian Armed Forces. The five Generals who sat wheezing at the head of the room all bore grim expressions that made it clear that the outcome of this trial was all but decided.

Muldoon peered down at the clipboard in his hand. "Captain Alastaire Mackay, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, attached to the Special Services Unit of the Nineteenth Brigade, Twelfth Australian Division, Northern Territory Force..." He glanced toward the Accused. "That is you, ain't it?"

Captain Mackay nodded from where he stood between two towering military police guards. "I am, Sir."

"Captain Mackay, you stand accused of dereliction of duty, gross negligence leading to injury, gross negligence leading to loss of life, gross negligence leading to widespread destruction -- Hell, just making a bloody mess of everything all around. How do you plead?"

"Not --"

"Bollocks!" Muldoon roared, his cheeks near as red as his moustache. "You're as guilty as sin, ya mongrel. If I had my way you'd be swinging from the nearest tree by now. Right, then! Moving right along..." He peered at his clipboard again. "The Accused shall be reminded that due to the great secrecy of the project with which he was entrusted -- and which he so thoroughly whackered up -- the transcripts of these proceedings will be classified as 'Most Secret.' You do understand that, don't you?"

Mackay nodded. "I do."

Muldoon nodded with a huff and turned to face the court. "Gents, we have been aware for some time that the enemy has been developing what the duxes call 'organic megaweapons.'" He gave a curt nod to an assistant, who dropped a slide into a projector, and upon the wall appeared a grainy image of an equine head rising over line of what looked like miniature trees. "The Gerries have come up with this one here. They call it a 'donnerhuf.' We haven't seen it deployed yet, but we have no doubt that it will pop up sooner or later. Now, we've got no photos, but we have it on good authority from some of our mates rescued from Singapore that the Japs are putting together one of their own, some kind of lizard-thing.

"Rather than waiting for these bastards to show up in our backyard, Parliament gave the go-ahead to General Allen to launch 'Project Bloodybig,' designed to produce our own Australian version of these organic weapons." He turned and thrust a finger toward Captain Mackay. "Unfortunately, they put that bloke there in charge. Not only did he turn out to be as useful as tits on a bull, but because of his slacking off we've suffered hundreds of casualties and drained the national treasury like a Brisbane pub on Friday night."

Mackay listened to all of this impassively, and then quietly said, "In my defense, I wish to point out that the project was subject to unreasonable deadlines, and that if I had had more time to develop -- "

"Shut your gob, you!" Muldoon bawled. "Yabber on one more time and I'll have you gagged. You'll answer questions and nothing more."

Mackay started to reply, but then simply nodded.

Muldoon folded his arms. "Give us the next slide," he growled.

A murmur arose from the court as well as from the decorated observers seated in the back when the blurry image of a kangaroo appeared upon the wall. It was sprawled impassively on its side in the way that 'roos have. Beside it rested a little toy truck, but as Muldoon's assistant adjusted the focus a trio of tiny men dressed in laboratory coats sprang into view, revealing that the truck was anything but a toy.

"Captain Mackay," Muldoon growled. "Can you tell the court why you would choose this as the first subject of Project Bloodybig?"

"My instructions were to produce a megaweapon that epitomized the spirit of Australia," Mackay said evenly. "By my interpretation of those instructions, I felt that this species would be ideal for that requirement."

"But why the bloody hell did you make it green?"

Mackay paused, and slowly said, "I have no answer, Sir."

"Don't get cheeky with me," Muldoon said in a threatening voice. "Now kindly tell the court what happened when you first presented the Bloodybig Kangaroo to your superiors?"

Again Mackay paused. "It...hopped away, Sir."

"It hopped...?"

"Away, yes, Sir. Over our heads, over the fence, and then it was gone."

"And did you elect to pursue it?

"We tried. It moved too quickly, though, and we lost it."

"Lost?" Muldoon exploded. "How in the bleeding world can you lose a hundred-foot-tall green kangaroo?"

"I have no answer, Sir. It has not been sighted since its escape."

Muldoon turned away, his fists clenched at his sides. He took a deep breath. "Let us move on to Exhibit Number Two."

The slide projector was replaced with a clattery film projector. The onlookers gasped at the sight of a wave of humanity pouring through the streets of Alice Springs. Close behind them trotted a dingo that loomed larger than any building in town. For nearly five minutes the room was dead silent while the monster snapped people up in its jaws two and three at a time, trampled stout trees as though they were flowers, and lifted its leg on the Wellsley Church.

When the ghastly spectacle was over Muldoon stalked up to Mackay and stood nose to nose with him. "Well?"

Mackay stood at attention. "It chewed through its bonds, Sir."

"Of course it chewed through its bonds!" Muldoon barked. "It's a flippin' dingo! What did you expect it to do?"

"I expected it...," Mackay said calmly, '...to do exactly what it did do, Sir. With all respect, wasn't that the intention of the project?"

Muldoon clenched his jaw as though he was restraining himself from biting Mackay's head clean off. "Admittedly, Captain, yes, it was," he seethed. "But don't you think that it would have made a slightly greater contribution to the war effort to have it do so in someplace like -- oh, let us say, Tokyo, rather than in the heart of Australia?" He wheeled and stalked toward the court, pointing accusingly back at Mackay. "Three million pounds sterling, Gentlemen! Three million pounds! That's what it has cost His Majesty to lure the damned beast into the outback and keep it fed so that it didn't go rompin' about in any settled areas."

The Generals nodded and grunted to one another. Muldoon flipped a page on his clipboard. "So on top of the cost of production, the Bloodybig Dingo has thus far eaten up three million pounds as well as two hundred twenty-eight of the poor citizens of Alice Springs. I suppose that would amount to a sizeable failure on your part, wouldn't you say, Captain Mackay?"

"In honesty, Sir, I was not provided with a budgetary limit..."

"Exhibit Number Three!" Muldoon shouted, cutting Mackay off abruptly. His assistant hurriedly replaced the slide projector and dropped in another slide. The onlookers peered at an enormous koala seated placidly amidst a grove of eucalyptus trees, the tallest of which were barely as long as a whisker.

"Look me in the eye right now, ya bastard, and tell me this wasn't your idea of a joke," Muldoon snarled.

Mackay did not flinch. "After our experience with the Bloodybig Dingo, Sir, we felt that it was prudent to enlist something that could be more easily controlled."

"Easily controlled?" Muldoon stabbed a finger toward the image. "It hasn't moved for six bloody weeks! What did you expect it to do to the enemy? Glower ferociously at them? Block their supply traffic with its bum? Annoy them to death?"

"I have no answer, Sir."

"Of course you don't, you twit!" Muldoon strode toward a podium and snatched up a stack of papers. "Exhibit Number Four: Merchant shipping loss reports from the last month alone: The freighter Foley lost off Gold Coast with all hands. Steamer Kenneth R. Sample also lost off Gold Coast; no survivors. Freighter Torrle lost off Brisbane. Freighter Sir David Buttonshaw lost off Brisbane simultaneous with troop transport HMS Kidd -- all within a week, and all within the area of the last known whereabouts of your Bloodybig Platypus!"

"If I may, Sir," Mackay said quietly, "Can we so readily dismiss the possibility that those unfortunate ships were lost to U- boat activity."

"U-boats don't tear ships apart and eat the crews!"

"Admittedly not, Sir..."

Muldoon swept his hand downward and scattered the papers angrily across the floor. "Gentlemen, what more evidence is needed? Thousands of tons of shipping sunk, tens of millions of pounds spent, hundreds of lives lost needlessly, all because of this bleedin' dill's incompetence. We haven't even touched on the Bloodybig Wombat or the Bloodybig Kookaburra." He spun and glared, red-faced, at Mackay, and spat through gritted teeth, "And we...will not...even...begin...to mention...the Bloodybig Mozzy!"

The floor trembled.

"What the Hell?" Muldoon said, startled. The Generals, three of whom had dozed off during the testimony, snorted and sat up, peering dully around them. The guards on either side of Captain Mackay glanced at one another nervously. "What's all this, then?"

The walls shook as though something very heavy had been dropped on the floor upstairs.

"Is it an air raid?" one of the Generals gasped.

"We've no shelter here," another whined.

Muldoon strode up to the front table. "Steady on, Gents, I'm sure we'd have heard a warning if there was bombers about." He waved to his aide. "Ashley, go outside and have a look 'round."

The entire building lurched, making the light fixtures swing wildly. Muldoon was thrown off balance and had to grip the Generals' table to keep from falling. "Bloody Hell!" he shouted. Mackay's guards stumbled a little and struggled to regain their posture. Both were beginning to perspire freely.

Muldoon's aide raced back into the room, his eyes bugging from his head. He saluted shakily and gasped out, "Reporting, Sir! It's me duty to inform..."

He got no further. The ceiling above the head table exploded suddenly downward. There was a flash of green fur as a foot as long as a rail car slammed to the floor at the front of the courtroom, and just as quickly shot upward and vanished through the ragged hole it had left in the ceiling. Of Colonel Muldoon or the five Generals there was nothing very pleasant left.

The building lurched again, violently. The guards standing to either side of Mackey cut and ran.

The walls shook as the last screams of the retreating onlookers faded through the doors at the rear of the room.

The floor trembled as Captain Mackay, alone now, took his hat from beneath his arm and set it smartly upon his head. He turned to leave, but not before pausing to stare thoughtfully at the oblong hole in the ceiling and ask himself, "Why ever did I make him green?"